


God Is A Woman

by WhenIFindLoveAgain



Series: And God Created Woman [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Romantic Comedy, Anxiety, British Comedy, Chaos, Comedy, Comedy RPF, Dating, Disasters, F/M, Fanfiction Comedy (MICF), Fashion & Couture, First Dates, Flirting, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Happy, Happy Ending, House Party, Humor, Love, M/M, Multi, No Angst, No Sex, No Smut, Party, Partying, Romantic Comedy, Trans Yoon Jeonghan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:21:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26508910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain
Summary: The bots magazine has a new sponsor, bit, Jeonghan had no idea about their new German friend until he finds out that Seikmin and Soonyoung have set him up on a date to familiarize and seduce their Kraut friend and his wallet containing ten ton of cash for them
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo/Yoon Jeonghan, Kim Mingyu/Xu Minghao | The8/Yoon Jeonghan, Kim Mingyu/Yoon Jeonghan, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Yoon Jeonghan, Lee Seokmin | DK/Yoon Jeonghan
Series: And God Created Woman [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931602
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	God Is A Woman

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bbyhannie_1004](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbyhannie_1004/gifts).



> For the very dear bbyhannie_1004 , a third book in this little series! I do hope you enjoy this; it's a bit on the long side. And, forgive me, but I don't really know what to write just now :) but, I hope you approve xxx

"RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!!" Soonyoung and Seokmin's shouts filled up the warehouse studio space. Jeonghan soon followed behind them, weilding a cricket back.

"YOU KNOOOOOOOOBS!!!" He hollered angrily. "HOW FUCKING DARE YOU SET ME UP -" Jeonghan block the boys by the back door and swung the bat at them. Seungcheol and Vernon rushed over to stop him. Seungcheol picked up Jeonghan and put him over his shoulder securely after Vernon had kicked him in the ankle to make him let the cricket bat go. 

"You nasty madam." Vernon told Jeonghan off as Seungcheol carried Jeonghan through to the coffee lounge. "You bloody nasty madam."

Jeonghan scoffed.

"Can I even get a world in?" He asked.

Vernon thought. "Keep your voice down and don't go on forever." He eventually said.

Jeonghan scowled. "You -"

Wonwoo came over to where they were at the coffee lounge and asked why Seokmin was crying and Minghao was checking Soonyoung's head in the little ktichenette they had at work.

No one was suddenly too impressed with Jeonghan. "Explain." Seungcheol dumped Jeonghan ungracefully onto one of the black leather couches.

"Those two twats -" Jeonghan begun.

"Language." Mingyu scolded, having just checked on the boys in the kitchen.

"Just let him finish." Vernon interrupted.

"They have set me up with a middle-aged Kraut millionaire who we are interviewing for some reason - something to do with the emergence of European culture into Korea and how he's something to do with Audi that's doing a series of filmed adverts here or some other crap." Jeonghan explained darkly-toned. "And I mean set up as in I go on a date with him, be sweet, and, then, prosititute myself out."

Wonwoo, Mingyu, Seungcheol, and Vernon's mouths fell open.

"CUNTS!!!" Vernon roared, directly calling for Seokmin and Soonyoung.

Wonwoo went and fetched the two young men, Minghao coming with them. Seungcheol quickly told Minghao, who soon became the human ebodiment of a thundercloud. 

He slapped both Seokmin and Soonyoung over the head at the same time.

"You didn't let US finish!" Soonyoung pleaded. "Kim Jinyoung -" Who was the head of the company that published their magazine along with several others. "- We're going to get £500,000 funding a year if we do this interview with this German guy, and..."

"Oh my God." Minghao said. He, Jeonghan, Mingyu, Vernon, Wonwoo, Seungcheol stared at them.

"Fuck, that's the one bit you forgot to fucking mention?!" Jeonghan blurted sarcastically, smoothing down his mid-calve length black jersey pencil skirt from where it had rode up to the middle of his thighs. "And stop looking up my skirt." He added, pointing a finger at Mingyu.

When Jeonghan got home that night, he told Joshua about the whole charade.

Joshua was less than impressed.

"But you can't do it!" He exclaimed when Jeonghan doggedly sighed and said that he'd just have to do it. "Don't be stupid! It's 2020, not 1960!"

Jeonghan sighed. "Well, what am I supposed to do, then?" He asked. He was curled up on one side of the couch in the sitting with with a glass of wine, his legs piled to the side, and, Joshua was on the floor trying to put a set of flatpack cupboards together for the old lady next door who had been a widow for the last five years and had no husband to help her, especially with all their children emigrated to New Zealand.

"Cut his nads off?" Joshua suggested. Jeonghan chuckled softly.

"If only." He murmured, taking another sip of his drink. He wore the bracelet Joshua had put on his wrist that night at Minghao's, and, with the open fireplace glowing merrily and the stained-glass cieling lights turned on, it gave the whole life around them a cosy, secret transcendence, one that Jeonghan was happy to stay in forever. He liked living with Joshua; he always had done. A little while ago it had occured to him that one day Joshua would get older, want to get married, want to have children, and, Jeonghan didn't fit into that. It was impossible for him too. Jeonghan supposed that one day he would shift out on his own into a little apartment where he'd live by himself...and that would be that. Weekend barbeques at Joshua's house, his old house, little ones in cotton smocks and nappies wondering around and a woman in a sun-dress with long dark hair doing something in the kitchen. She'd be pretty; of course she'd have to be pretty.

But Jeonghan didn't like to think of that. He didn't want to be by himself in the world, and, why think such thoughts when he was this, feeling this right now?

It didn't make any sense at all.

And that's why it had to go out the door.

And out the door it did go.

"What is it actually?" Jeonghan nodded to the pieces of wood on the floor.

"Bookshelf with draws in the bottom." Joshua answered, sorting through a set of screws and nuts on the floorboards. 

Jeonghan hummed softly. "Oh."

Jeonghan had two days to figure out the German problem, as it came to be known. But, Mingyu, Wonwoo, Soonyoung, Minghao, Vernon, Seokmin and Seungcheol had a much different idea to dealing with it than Jeonghan. Jeonghan wondered if coming up with pretend tummy lurgy or some termporarily terminal disease would get him out of it, but, then, as the guys had said, £500,000.

But, as previously mentioned, the boys had a much different idea to Jeonghan.

"For fuck's sake, wear something nice." Both Wonwoo, Mingyu, Minghao, Seungcheol and Vernon told Jeonghan.

"I ALWAYS WEAR SOMETHING NICE!" Jeonghan had howled in response.

As a result, Minghao had forced Jeonghan into coming "shopping" with him, but, thankfully, Joshua put his foot down and put a stop to it.

As Joshua drove Jeonghan home - with one day left to go until the German problem became very real - in his Leyland Mini, Jeonghan felt like crying. 

It was nothing to do with the German problem.

Soonyoung and Mimi had really hit it off at Minghao's party; they were crazy in love, and, the interest of the studios - especially Mimi. Actually, all the interest was about her, stuff Jeonghan.

In a way, Jeonghan almost regretted insisting that Soonyoung should talk to her. The witness of seeing someone so happy and and in love nearly every day made a knife twist deep into Jeonghan's core; rouge bits of the blade speared off everywhere and dug into his brain where all his previous failed attempts at relationships came back to haunt him. And, even worse, they all had the same conclusion:

Joshua coming to pick him up, dust him off, get a drink into him, and, take him home.

Jeonghan's eyes grew wet.

It was practically Joshua's job, looking after him. He should be getting a paid wage, in all realism.

"What sort of place are you and the German going out to?" Joshua asked Jeonghan, breaking through his reverie.

"Pardon?"

Joshua looked at him. Automatically, his eyebrows slid together and his dark eyes swept with concerned warmth, and, Jeonghan thought Joshua looked as pretty as perhaps he had ever been in his whole life in its entirety.

"Oh, no." Joshua crooned, pulling the Leyland Mini up into a parking space in a street only a mile or two from their 1930's house. Joshua climbed out of the car and went around to Jeonghan's side, opening the passenger door of the Mini and crouching down on the ground, his head by Jeonghan's knees, gazing up at Jeonghan. "Don't cry." Joshua's hand curved over Jeonghan's knee through his black jersey pencil-skirt. "I'll ring the big man later and give him a fucking serve, trust me, he won't know what hit him."

Jeonghan burst out in a huge, crooked smile. He ducked his head, sniffling, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. He knew he would have smudged his make-up everywhere, but, that was alright. Everyone said he looked good with smudgy make-up, anyhow.

"Nah, it's alright." Jeonghan told him. "I just need to figure out how to be a schemeing bitch." He winked down at Joshua.

"But you already are, Hannie." Joshua said.

Jeonghan laughed, and, gently slapped Joshua around the head. "Let's go home." He said. "I've got some stuff to do." 

As they drove the rest of the way home, Joshua had one hand off of the steering wheel, held between two of Jeonghan's hands in his lap.

While Joshua watched the evening news on the telly in the sitting room and cooked dinner, Jeonghan first scrubbed the bathroom to an inch of it's life for something to do and to take his mind off the German problem, and, then, not sure what else to do, he went downstairs to see Joshua, having changed into one of his nighties - a much more conservative long cotton one with a crew neck and long sleeves, the hem around the middle of his calves - with a glass of plonk. They sat in silence and watched video footage of a football player kick a ball, richeting off the goalpost, before hitting him directly in the face, breaking his nose, eye-socket and cheekbone.

"What do you want to eat?" Joshua asked him after they had had a bit of a laugh.

Jeonghan shook his head. "No, better not eat anything." He said.

Joshua's brows furrowed. "Why not?"

"Shua, use your brain." Jeonghan whispered awkwardly, tucking some of his hair behind his ears.

Joshua gazed at him side-long. "Don't starve for some Nazi." He remarked caringly.

Jeonghan smiled.

Later that night after jumping into the bath for a bit, Jeonghan looked into his wardrobe for a long time. He eventually brought out old-world style black dress that...actually, that had come from Mimi's dressmakers had once secretly done some modeling for her, and, the only way it was still kept secret was that all the photographs were from the jawline down. It was a fitted double-breasts dress in a mild Edwardian style with a ankle-length hem and a scooped neck that ended in a curved v-shape just at the bottom of his ribs. Underneath would be worn a turtleneck jumper - white - and those black heeled boots.

And you Germans think that all your ugly Frauleins are sophisticated, Jeonghan thought as he laid out the clothes for the next morning. Not when you don't have Welsh tailors.

"Well, hello there." Joshua said, wandering around in his shirt and his boxers as Jeonghan came downstairs, a mug of coffee in hand. Jeonghan smile and did a twirl-around when Joshua gestured, spinning a finger. He grinned, squeezing his eyes shut as Joshua came over and stuck his nose into his neck.

"You've got that perfume on." Joshua remarked, sounding a bit surprised. Jeonghan had a few bottles but he rarely wore them. Joshua thought the last time he had scented Jeonghan wearing it - and only the barest amount - was Minghao's party, and, the time before that...well, it was the Yuletide party.

"Yeah." Jeonghan hummed, gazing at him. Jeonghan looked incredibly pretty with beautifully down dark eye-makeup and soft pink-almond tone lipstick. Joshua couldn't help looking at him. "See you later." Jeonghan smiled, his lips grazing over Joshua's cheekbone in a kiss before he left the kitchen, waving his fingers gently as did, handbag in his other hand, the tan leather one, and, Joshua noticed that Jeonghan was wearing the bracelet that he had picked down from the chandelier at Minghao's party for him.

\i Oh\i0 , Joshua thought softly.

Wonwoo, Soonyoung, Minghao, Vernon, Seokmin and Seungcheol stared at Jeonghan silently as he came in for work. "What?" he said to them, holding out his arms to the side loosely as he moved over to his desk. There were numerous letters and emails and the phone had barely stopped ringing once, according to a nervous looking Seokmin. Jeonghan brought him over for a cuddle and promised to try not and kill him with a cricket bat again.

"You've got to go for Lunch with the German guy had half-eleven at Camden Rowe's." Minghao, it seemed, had been the one forced to tell Jeonghan.

"Ok." Jeonghan said simply with a smile.

Wonwoo, Soonyoung, Minghao, Vernon, Seokmin and Seungcheol's eyes boggled, looking at him. 

"Don't you worry." Jeonghan said, patting Seokmin's lower stomach and letting him go. "Things'll be just fine, why wouldn't they be?"

The clunk! sound of the boys jaws hitting the floor echoed through the warehouse studios. Jeonghan was actually quite happy with what he was wearing, because, if he had just come in jeans and a blouse like he usually did, he would be racing back home to he and Joshua's to his face on, frilly knickers on, and a decent frock. 

Jeonghan turned up not a minute early, not a minute late at Camden Rowe's. He greeted the Maitre 'D, and, the late thirties man with gleaming black hair and a flawless, neat complexion for the instensely expensive restaurant showed him through to a table by the window, overlooking Seoul's City Botanical Gardens with it's skyscraping trees and pretty colour-scape of flowers and extensive lawns and greenhouse architecture. The Camden Rowe restaurant had a flat, timber ceiling but, at the centre of the dining space, was a cathedral ceiling which peaked at the tip, like a pyramid, one of the biggest natural skylights to ever be seen. The Camden Rowe restaurant was four times the size of Joshua and Jeonghan's large home, and, it's prices made it exclusive.

Jeonghan was left sitting by himself until, forty-five minutes later, the Maitre 'D returned, not looking very pleased. He took a seat beside Jeonghan.

"I want to apologise personally to you, Miss Yoon." He said, looking very unhappy. "I've accidentally had you sitting at the wrong table all this time."

Jeonghan couldn't help it. He laughed. "I thought I was dumped." He admitted.

"I'm very sorry." The Maitre 'D remarked. "It's no excuse but I've never had a German to deal with."

It turns out that the table had been made out for Yoon and guest and not Greinhart and guest. Jeonghan blinked. Greinhart. So that was the German's name.

Twenty seconds later, Jeonghan witnessed the German for the first time.

He was much different to what Jeonghan expected. He was large in the Germanic away, easily over six foot with a thick-barrel liked chest on a fit, healthy body. He had dark yellow hair that was cut short and combed back with thin eyebrows, a long straight nose, small upcurved grey eyes, a straight mouth, on a high-cheekboned face with a chiseled angular jaw. He was undeniably handsome with a little scar under one of his eyes, no stubble, and, especially in his oat-meal toned linen suit with a black tie, he was even further enhance.

Jeonghan's hormones flared up brightly.

Oh, shit, Jeonghan thought.

"Gigi." The German man inclined his head.

Jeonghan's stomach backflipped. Years and years ago, it had sort of been a joke question from Vernon; Vernon had asked if he actually was a girl - before Jeonghan had transitioned - what would his name be. "Not Lily." Jeonghan had automatically said. "Every trannies called Lily after Lily Elbe/Einar Wegener who was a Danish artist in the 20's and the first to recieve sex reassignment surgery in the world; no, I like sort of 60's names as far as girl's names go. Jean, Sylvia, Chloe - the french way with the two dots above the "o" - Gigi, Mimi..." Jeonghan had hesitated. "No, you know what? Gigi. if I was a girl...I'd be Gigi." He had grinned. The matter was now, even though his family, Joshua, Seokmin, Seungcheol, Vernon, Minghao, Soonyoung and Wonwoo called him Jeonghan, his name now was...Gigi.

And even thought it had been like that for the last five years, it felt so peculiar for Jeonghan.

Especially as this German man said it.

"Hello." Jeonghan said. "You've been waiting as long as me, then." He laughed softly, and, as he went to take a seat the German man helped him down, neatly getting in the way of the grovelling Maitre 'D. 

"Yes." The German remarked. He kissed Jeonghan on each cheek and held out his hand. "I am Henreich Grienhart." His tone was warm and pleasant; there was a slight lilt to his words, and not a harsh, jumped, garbled german accent. Whoever had taught him English had done a brilliant job. It was like a graciousness.

"Nice to meet you." Jeonghan smiled up at him and just knew that the German's name was going to be a bitch to say.

Jeonghan found himself slip surpisingly well into conversation with Henreich, and, before he knew it, they had been there at the restaurant for two hours. Time had just flown by. After lunch, Henreich invited Jeonghan to come for a drive with him in his - of course it had to be - Audi, and, Joshua could just hear Joshua and Vernon's voices in his head saying, "They wanted to kill us, the Nazi cunts, and we shall never forgive you for your arse having sat in the third-reich-mobile." They drove around the city for a further hour, and, Jeonghan remarked a lot of places that were new to Henreich; as Henreich was to be living in Seoul, Jeonghan made it a courtesy to introduce him to the parts of the city that would do them well. All the while, Jeonghan just couldn't help noticing how handsome Henreich was without been in any way feminine. No wonder all the Korean women want men like you while all the Anglo girls chase the flower boys, Jeonghan thought of Henreich and the different between Anglo and Korean beauty standards, especially as far as men went and the perception of the general female population.

In the end, they circled back to the Botanical gardens, and, for another two hours, Jeonghan walked arm-in-arm with Henreich, and, talked further still. 

Until it got to very dangerous waters.

Jeonghan's mouth dropped open, seeing over Henreich's shoulder that sight of Joshua, Seungcheol, Vernon, Seokmin and Soonyoung half hiding in a hydrangea bush, the most notible feature being Seungcheols face and hands sticking out of the bush...with a set of very expensive binoculars.

You have got to be kidding me, Jeonghan thought, his mate's heads swiveling slowly to the side as Jeonghan and Henreich progressed on their walk through the gardens, Henreich now talking about a art gallery opening he had recently been to in Dresden.

"Hannie's arse looks nice." Seokmin remarked.

"How do you reckon that?" Joshua said, glancing at Seungcheol with his binoculars.

"It's a natural male instinct to see a nice bum without telescopic sight." Seokmin pointed at Seungcheol's binoculars as Jeonghan's nice, round bum in his fitted black dress swung side to side as he progressed through the gardens with the Fuhrer.

"Don't lose sight of him." Vernon warned.

"I'm trying to see where the gits hands are." Seungcheol squinted through the binocular lens.

"And?" Soonyoung echoed.

"One in Jeonghan's and the other in his pocket." Seungcheol told them all.

"Fondling himself." Seokmin deadpanned.

"Trying to organize a hard on." Soonyoung said.

"Twat." Joshua, Vernon, Seokmin and Soonyoung said together as Seungcheol continued to spy through his binoculars.

"Oh, shit, they're getting out of sight." Seungcheol quipped.

"Fucking great, let's shift over." Vernon decided. As they all tried to move around the other and get out the hydrangea bush without been suspicious, Vernon swore under his breath.

"Ow, that was my cocking foot." Vernon said to Seokmin who had accidentally stepped on him.

"shut it you prat." Soonyoung told him off.

"Prat my arse." Vernon snapped.

"Ooo." The rest of them went.

Vernon scowled. "The lot of you can fuck off." He told them.

Meanwhile, with Henreich and Jeonghan, the German had just asked him a question:

"Would you like to have dinner with me, tonight?" Henreich asked him.

Jeonghan mouth come open.

"At yours?" He stuttered.

Henreich smiled. Bloody hell, he was handsome. "Or at yours." Henreich remarked.

Oh my God, Joshuji will fucking kill me, Jeonghan thought quickly. But, nonetheless, another answer came from his lips:

"I'll text you about six 'o' clock but come at eight." Jeonghan automatically said, a vision of Minghao's dining room coming into his head. 

"This sounds perfect." Henreich nodded.

Now Hao-hao's going to kill me, Jeonghan thought as he smiled again, and, hoped to hell that it wasn't too brittle.

Jeonghan called Minghao as soon as he got home; he had spent nearly the whole day with Henreich. Well, five-odd hours. It was now half-past four.

Jeonghan only dared to make the phone call to Minghao after having a massive glass of wine, a big cuddle from Joshua, and, well, still being tucked into his side as he tapped his thumb onto Minghao's contact.

Five rings and Minghao picked up. Jeonghan could have killed him for that. Each ring had been like a knife stabbing his insides.

"How as the Kraut?" Was the first thing Minghao said.

"Uh, hi, love, yeah, about him..." Jeonghan hesitated.

"Oh, God, what's happened?" Minghao answered bluntly.

"Can you...can you do me a massive favour?" Jeonghan felt very nervous. He didn't want to be on Minghao's "Kill list".

"I'm not doing a threesome." Minghao told him shortly.

Joshua nearly pissed himself laughing, wrapping his arms tight around Jeonghan. He rested his head on top of Jeonghan's, peering down at Jeonghan's phone.

"What the fuck is that?" Minghao's voice echoed.

"Just Shua; he's my support at the minute." Jeonghan sighed, trying to loosen up, feeling his blood pressure going up as he talked, and, worse, thought. "The Kraut - called Henreich, by the way - invited me around for dinner at his place but I didn't want to go to his but I didn't want him here at me and Joshua's so I was thinking...your place?" Jeonghan squeezed his eyes closed as he waited for Minghao's answer.

"What?" Minghao deadpanned.

"One, you're going to sell it so you won't be there -" Jeonghan began, but, Minghao cut him off.

"So if he fancies calling around after this he'll be harrassing the people who bought my house?" Minghao remarked realistically.

"What..why would be be coming around afterwards?" Jeonghan felt very confused all of a sudden.

Minghao sighed heavily. "He'll probably want you forever now." Minghao told Jeonghan. "It is just a one off thing, but, I'd say he really likes you..."

Jeonghan ended the call, dropping his phone to the ground as it slipped from his grasp. He looked frightfully up at Joshua who, even though he hugged Jeonghan tighter and insisted it would be alright, looking very uneasy himself.

Soon, it was time for the evening. Joshua drove Jeonghan around in his Leyland Mini, and, Joshua couldn't help drinking in the sight of Jeonghan and thought about how this Kraut would be doing the exact same thing. Jeonghan was in a light pink 60's style dress with a mid-thigh hem, high neck, and short sleeves with fine black lace sewn over the entire garment with ankle-strap black heels with another strap going down the centre of the foot with red lipstick, nude eye make-up, and gold earrings with his hair side-parted and in a bun at the base of his skull where his head met his neck. 

"Let me walk you in." Joshua pleaded with Jeonghan, but, Jeonghan shook his head.

"No, no, I'll be fine." He insisted. "One, I don't want him seeing your face, and, two, he's part of the scene now, he's a sponsor, he helps keep all of us at work in the job. I just have to be nice, that's all."

"No matter what he says or does, you're coming home with me tonight." Joshua warned Jeonghan.

A smouldering glow filled up Jeonghan's entire body; physically, emotionally, spiritually, metaphysically. Jeonghan gazed intently at Joshua; the nights came earlier now in Seoul, and, darkness blanketed them, though they were surrounded by the reminders of the artificial glow of the Seoul city landscape.

If were anywhere else in the world...Jeonghan thought softly to himself. How amazing would this be right now?

Jeonghan had traveled a bit, and, Denmark stood out to him, along with Soonyoung's Welsh girlfriend Mimi's stories of her tribal homelands. Seoul was bloody awful; it was artifical, nasty, hierarchal, unequal, disasterous, cheap, polluted, over-populated, horrible. Jeonghan had often thought about leaving. This moment with Joshua corresponded directly to the moment with him at Minghao's party as Joshua had put the bracelet around his wrist, and, when they were together in the hallway. It corresponded with the moments of slow-dancing with Minghao on the roof of his house and the weekends spent driving with Joshua in his Leyland Mini with their trunks in the back seats and boots as they drove around the countryside, escaping from the harsh indiference of the city. 

People like us don't belong in a place lik this, Jeonghan thought to himself. Sophisticated, funny, smouldering, graceful, damaged, weird, lovely people like them didn't belong in a place like this.

They all had to get away from it somehow.

"I'll see you soon." He promised Joshua, his lips gracing over Joshua's cheekbone, and, the touch lingered for the two of them.

Jeonghan walked up the footpath and through the front doors of the old Munitions factories, and, he got into the elevator and went up to the third floor. Minghao was waiting for him inside in the sitting room. A old, old record was playing on the gramophone in the sitting room, and, Jeonghan found Minghao cross-legged on one of the couches, in the dark apart from the moonlight coming in through the window south of the sitting room and the lit, smouldering end of one of his cigarettes.

"Thanks for leaving the front door open for me." Jeonghan said. Minghao smiled very softly.

"Come with me." Minghao got up, and slipped the cigarette between his lips, holding it. He entwined his arm through Jeonghan's, and, as they went out of the sitting room, Minghao turned on the light in the entry hall. Jeonghan reflected again at how beautiful Minghao's house was. Shua's right, Jeonghan thought. I wish Minghao wouldn't sell this house

They went down the hallway, and, when they arrived to the dining room, Jeonghan's mouth dropped open.

Oh, he thought. Spread out before him was the dining room set exactly as it had been for the party, but, all across the table, windowsills, and mantle were the pretty Edwardian Russian kerosene lamps and jam-jar candles.

"I'm not trying to look it romantic, like you want to seduce him." Minghao said of the setting and of Henreich Greinhart, skillfully speaking coherently around the cigarette in his mouth. "But no German comes into my house without it looking like it'll be a magazine." Pride spiked Minghao's tone. "We are the master race after all." Minghao gazed around. "I've already cooked, everything's keeping warm in the oven -"

"You what?" Jeonghan stared at him. 

"Yeah, you didn't think about that did you?" Minghao took the cigarette out of his mouth, the side of his mouth pulling upwardly. "I know you can't really do anything, so, I did." He exhaled a breath of smoke into Jeonghan's face, but, Jeonghan didn't mind.

"I'd say he's nearly here." Minghao told Jeonghan, feeling an energy come over him. Jeonghan gazed at him, and, when he went to turned away, Jeonghan stopped him.

"Would - would you stay?" Jeonghan's hand caught at Minghao's shirt.

Minghao's eyes were illuminated the darkness, gazing at him.

"Of course I will." Minghao said. "I was going to do that, either way."

The night went past pleasently. Jeonghan sat the head of the table, and, Henreich sat on his left-hand side. Minghao had really done a Chinese banquet; springs rolls, duck, some sort of soup that Jeonghan couldn't figure it out, thin cuts of beef, and, ten ton of wine.

Thank fuck, Jeonghan had thought when he had seen the contents of the kitchen.

Not once did Henreich's hands or feet grope, touch, prod or poke Jeonghan.

Until Jeonghan thought too soon.

Henreich's hand laid over Jeonghan's hand on the table when they were having a drink after the meal.

"Gigi..." Henreich said.

Oh, Jesus, jeonghan thought, thinking he needed another several stiff drinks.

"What would you like to do?" Henreich remarked.

Right, word it right and you can fucking well get out of this, Jeonghan thought swiftly.

"Cup of tea and then bed." Jeonghan smiled prettily. 

Henreich's eyes gazed intently at Jeonghan. "What if I can offer you something better?" His index finger traced over the back of Jeonghan's hand. Jeonghan heard the single creak of a floorboard, it being Minghao, but, it could be thought of as the house's own movements.

"You're a very lovely man, Henreich." Jeonghan gazed at the German man, and, he seemed able to read the words from Jeonghan's being that Jeonghan didn't want to say. Henreich got up, and, Jeonghan's eyes dirfted half-closed as Henreich kissed his cheek gently.

"And you are a very lovely woman, Gigi." Henreich told Jeonghan. Jeonghan walked Henreich to the door and then downstairs, and, waved as Henreich drove away in his Audi. 

As soon as the German car disappeared, Jeonghan took off his shoes and raced back upstairs to Minghao's house before rushing up to the fourth floor, throwing open Minghao's bedroom door, and, throwing himself onto Minghao on his bed, who was yet smoking another cigarette.

Jeonghan and Minghao blinked up at each other.

"Is too late for a bash?" Jeonghan asked.

"Have we still got plonk?" Minghao asked.

Jeonghan nodded.

"Let's get it on the go." Minghao said.

\highlight0 Within literally ten minutes, everyone was there; Joshua, Seungcheol, Wonwoo, Soonyoung - with Mimi - Vernon, Seokmin and Seungcheol, plus colleagues, friends, and then friends of friends. Soon, there was about sixty people.

"Fuck having a quiet night!" Vernon and Mimi announced as they came in together. They both looked at each other and then laughed. Vernon was in a black denim jacket and jumper with his ripped-up jeans and Mimi was in...Jeonghan gathered it was something to do with Wales.

She had on a fitted long-sleeved cream cotton dress that had a floor-length hem with strawberries patterned with a white lace headscarf tied at the base of her skull.

She looked absolutely lovely. It was also the first time that Jeonghan had seen her in something that wasn't 1960's style.

"Do your Pagan dancing again for me, love?" Vernon quipped.

"'Course, annwyl." Mimi crooned to Vernon in Welsh before putting an arm around Soonyoung and explaining that no, she wasn't cheating, in her tribe back in Wales for the last hundreds of thousands of years there had always been a complete gender equality and every Welsh girl had at least five best mates who were boys. 

"Bloody hell, mate!" Vernon said as he saw Jeonghan. "You look pretty swish."

Jeonghan grinned. "Yeah." He said softly. Vernon put an arm around his shoulders.

"How'd it go with the Nazi?" Vernon asked, sticking a cigarette in his mouth and Jeonghan pulled the lighter out of bra to get it burning.

"I don't think he's a Nazi, Vern." Jeonghan commented.

"Bullshit, they're all Nazi's." Vernon scoffed.

"Yeah?" Jeonghan gazed at him. 

"Yeah." Vernon nodded. "If they weren't we wouldn't have had to bomb them." He took his cigarette out of his mouth and exhaled smoke, righteousness twinkling in his eyes.

Jeonghan smiled gently. "Love you, Vern." He told him, snaking an arm around his hips.

"Don't fuckin' blame you, if I'm honest, love." Vernon winked. "Right, now, I gotta go and see a Cymry chic get the bogey on." He rubbed his hands together in absolute anticipation and buggered off.

His presence was soon replaced by a slightly on-edge Joshua. Joshua still wore the same shirt and jeans as earlier, and, at first, he and Jeonghan both looked at each other silently for ages.

"Well, when Hao said we were having a party i thought things must have been alright." Joshua eventually said, shoulders slumping.

"You need a drink." Laughably, Jeonghan swayed slightly as he said it. He giggled as Joshua rolled his eyes.

"Why'd I worry?" He said. "Of course you'd be fine." He sighed. "You ought to sit down."

"I need to lie down." Jeonghan added onto Joshua's words. "Be a love and if you get me upstairs I'll slip you a tenner."

Joshua chuckled. "You don't need to pay me." He guided Jeonghan out of the dining room and into the hallway, getting to the bottom of the stairs to the fourth floor.

"Yeah, but surely you need compensation if you attain lung damage due to suffocation in the process." Jeonghan gestured to his breasts. Joshua shook his head, grinning.

"I'll risk it." He said, picking up Jeonghan as one would a bride. "Besides, you're not that heavy."

Jeonghan then burst out laughing. If Joshua carried him like that they could get up the stairs. 

"Oh, shit, hang on." Joshua soon solved the problem by getting Jeonghan to climb up onto his back. "Where are your shoes?" He asked, taking Jeonghan to the spare room.

Jeonghan had just said that they were downstairs when both he and Joshua found that Jeonghan had done up the spare room as well.

There was a wallpaper in cream with ivory swirls and Edwardian baroque pattern across it with a four-poster bed, and, Danish-style grey-lead drawings in black frames around the room with Welsh carved blackwood furniture and two cotton bed curtains that were lengthways over the four-poster frame that could be pulled down over the sides. The bed was made up with a white cover that had black butterflies patterned across it with a couple of cushions, pale pink with black lace over them, like Jeonghan's dress, and, on closer expression, the bed curtains were trimmed with four inches of chrocet lace. The carpet had been replaced with dark-stained floorboards and the ceiling was white-washed a simple and very gentle tea-rose pink. It was definitely a girl's room, and, with a slight change of furniture, Minghao had evidently made it to be either a little one, teenage or older woman's room.

"When the fuck did Minghao manage to get this done?" Joshua thought aloud, turning around and tipping the drunk Jeonghan off of his back and onto the bed.

"He's done a nice job, though." Jeonghan mumbled, peeling off his dress and, getting a tissue from the box in the bedside table - Minghao always kept them in cupboards in his house - he took off his lipstick and foundation, wiping it over his face, because that would be the make-up that would come off all over the pillow-case. As for the eye make-up? No, that was fine. It would just spread all over his face like pagan tattoos.

"Yeah...but when?!" Joshua exlaimed as Jeonghan chucked the used tissues onto the ground where his dress was. Jeonghan took off his bra for good measure, not wanting the underwire to dig into his ribs in the middle of the night so he'd have to interrupt his sleep to wake up and take it off.

Jeonghan giggled softly. "Get in with me." He got beneath the covers and held open the other side. Jeonghan's breasts had slidden to the side as he had turned over, becoming long and thick on his anatomy, his soft nipples pointing outwardly slightly on each side. Joshua shook his head, blushing slightly. To keep Jeonghan happy, sat down on the edge of the bed. 

Joshua stroked Jeonghan's head. "Maybe about three 'o' clock in the morning, alright?" He sort of joked. Within a few more minutes, Jeonghan was fast, fast asleep. 

Joshua went back downstairs and found Minghao. They had a chat for a few minutes.

"I stayed all the while." Minghao said. "The German didn't really do anything."

Joshua nodded. "Thanks for that." He told Minghao. "I can't believe something like this even happened..."

"Welcome to Korea." Minghao remarked. "The place is fucked."

Joshua smiled slightly, averting his eyes down to the ground for a couple of moments. Unbeknownst to Joshua, what would then happen would change a lot of things.

Mainly due to Mimi nicking upstairs to see Jeonghan.

"Hey, babi merch." Her Welsh crooned sensual and warm and burred on her tongue. Her Welsh always sounded like that. Jeonghan, lying on his side, tucked up beneath the covers, smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners, as she kissed him on the nose and one of her hands curved around the back of Jeonghan's head. Mimi slid under the covers with Jeonghan and automatically cuddled up to him, wrapping her arms around him.

Welsh women - all of them, it seemed - appeared to have the knack of doing quite male things even though they were happy women.

"So, who are you in love with right now?" Mimi asked him.

"Not really sure..." Jeonghan mumbled, his eyes opening a little bit to gaze at her pretty face. "Maybe everyone in the world..."

"Are you feeling anything special for Joshy, lately?" Mimi bumped her nose and forehead up against his sweetly, her tribal behaviour radiating off her gently.

"No, it's just the same." Jeonghan told her. "We're still living together...we're happy. He doesn't really go out searching for dates...I once said to him about that and he said that I'm enough strife for him without having a second woman in his life."

Mimi cooed. "You love him, though?"

"Yeah." Jeonghan whispered. "I love him. But...I love everyone." His hand slid up to touch her face, and, his fingertips touched her mouth. "I love you."

Suddenly, he and Mimi looked down to the ground as the unmistakeable sound of "It's Not Living (If It's Not With You)" by The 1975 started playing.

"Oh my God, Verny's got hold of the record machine." Mimi moaned.

Soon enough, nearly sixty people started chanting the song lyrics and started bouncing up and down:

"AND ALL I DO IS SIT AND THINK ABOUT YOU

IF I KNEW WHAT YOU'D DO!

COLLAPSE MY VEINS WEARING BEAUTIFUL SHOES

IT'S NOT LIVING IF IT'S NOT WITH YOU

ALL I DO IS SIT AND DRINK WITHOUT YOU

IF I CHOOSE THEN I LOSE

DISTRACT MY BRAIN FROM THE TERRIBLE NEWS

IT'S NOT LIVING IF IT'S NOT WITH YOU!"

"Sorry, merch, I gotta go." Mimi crooned. "Soonyoung'll have to be dancing on the fucking table...he'll break it if he isn't careful..."

Jeonghan went back to sleep as soon as she left, and, as soon as he woke up, Jeonghan smiled.

Joshua had done as he promised.

Joshua was fast asleep beside him, and, before waking up, Jeonghan hadn't realized he was sleeping on Joshua's arm.

What was that saying?

It's a happy day to wake up to a true lover.

Jeonghan climbed silently out of bed and went downstairs to find a note on the table:

"DO NOT BOIL THE KETTLE - SOME TWAT MADE A SMOOTHIE AND POURED IT IN THERE AND I HAVE TO CLEAN IT OUT. DO NOT GO UP ONTO THE ROOF - SOME TWAT - YES, ANOTHER ONE - KNOCKED OVER THE FAERIE LIGHTS AND THERE'S SMASHED GLASS EVERYWHERE. DO NOT TALK TO SHUA ABOUT ANYTHING - I THINK I ACCIDENTALLY PISSED HIM OFF AND THE REASON WHY YOU HAVE THIS NOTE AND NOT ME IN PERSON WAS BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHEN JOSHUA WOULD WAKE AND, THEN, AUTOMATICALLY KILL ME,

MINGHAO."

Which begged the question for Jeonghan:

What the hell had Minghao started?

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, that is indeed a cliff-hanger you see because THERE SHALL BE A FOURTH WORK!!! Cue the bells of England, Pommy comedy legends rule!!!


End file.
